(✿◠‿◠)

puncromancer:

might fuck around and become a false prophet

(via politicallycorrectsatanist)

waterboard:

(via biddyboo8)

bananatwinky:

1/10

bananatwinky:

2/10

(Source: universeofmemes)

laughing-llama:

slytherin-starkid-of-tardis:

phinflynn:

“Ah, Perry the platypus!”

“What an unexpected -“

“WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!”

“You’re trapped!”

“By societal convention!”

“Look! We’re in a fine dining environment. Everyone knows not to throw a scene in a fancy restaurant!”

“That’s right. You’re trapped. Sit down.”

This show is fucking brilliant.

did everyone else read that in his voice

(via biddyboo8)

vorethewealthy:

Why does the pirate aesthetic have to go so hard like? I absolutely want to wear two coats and tall boots and a ton of fucking knives and a sword hello??? maybe not lose an eye but we all have to make sacrifices

(Source: andromedaspull, via biddyboo8)

slavery:

sqooper:

slavery:

I had a dream I had a son

and u just woke up and bailed on him 😔

(via biddyboo8)

Getting abducted by aliens and how to escape

hgk477:

1. Sit on top of a tall building and meditate. They will come.
   
2. Older spaceships do not automatically adjust the tractor beam to the mass of the object it beams up. 
   
3. If possible, chalk down how much you weigh.
   
4. Wear a backpack. Strap it on tightly. Bring food.
   
5. Once on board, do not say ’take me to your leader’, or anything threatening. 
   
6. Prepare for telepathic torture.
   
7. Escape is unlikely once in space.
   
8. Wish upon the stars. They might take you home.
   
9. The escape pods are too small.
   
10. Spacewars increase your chances of both escaping and dying.
    
11. If you make it to another planet, escape. Walk on hands and feet. They will not recognize you. 
    
12. Locate the nearest telephone booth. They are translucent yellow. Call HGK477.
    
13. Having HGK477 come pick you up is extremely expensive. Get insurance.
    

Note: This guide is flawed and needs more research for more accurate results. However, the researcher got beamed up in a terrible fashion and has let us know he does not want to continue the research.

If you want insurance, comment GET477NOW. It’s free.

More guides

• During a blackout
  
• Manifesting your imaginary friend 

let-us-taco-bout-it:

📸: whataleats